When a Woman Loses Her Luster… and How to Get it Back

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  • Meredith Sheppard
  • January 23, 2021

“Now there was a certain man…, and his name was Elkanah… And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children” (1 Sam. 1a – 2 NKJV).

Believe it or not, Peninnah’s name means jewel, but she had less than a sparkling personality. You see, Peninnah was one of two women married to the same man. Not an ideal scenario, and sadly Peninnah lost sight of her worth and value.

We see in Scripture that Peninnah was a wife and mother, having sons and daughters. Hannah had no children but she did have the love of her husband. Rather than making the most of her situation and focusing on what she did have, Peninnah focused her attention on what she lacked and what Hannah had. Thus begins Peninnah’s bitter rivalry.

First Samuel 1:6-7 AMP says, “Hannah’s rival provoked her bitterly, to irritate and embarrass her, because the Lord had left her childless. So it happened year after year, whenever she went up to the house of the Lord, Peninnah provoked her; so she wept and would not eat.”

            (Note: Unresolved issues at home make their way to the house of the Lord.)

“Rival” is a strong word meaning an adversary, one who vexes, causes distress, trouble, an enemy, or frenemy. We all know the type. Instead of being a shining example of godliness with contentment (1 Tim. 6:6), Peninnah-types lose their luster through habitual comparison, competition, and cynicism. If we’re not careful, that can also happen to us as pastors’ wives.

Comparison creeps in when we note the similarity or dissimilarity between “ours and theirs” or “mine and hers” and feel better than or worse. This can be about church size, renting vs owning your building, gifts, talents, abilities, ministries, appearance, wardrobe, websites, social media, number of followers, and so on.

When consumed with comparing ourselves to others, we lose sight of our own giftedness and God-given abilities. When tempted to boost our low self-worth by seeking out the shortcomings of others, we shortchange ourselves. Rather than walking in love and celebrating the strengths of our sisters, we let competition and cynicism begin to color our outlook and dull our shine.

Thankfully, we can regain our radiance. The old adage, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle,” can be said of pastors’ wives when we learn to complement and not compete. We complement when we add to something in a way that enhances or improves it.

Don’t compare, practice self-care. Maria Baratta, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., defines self-care as “the mindful taking of time to pay attention to you, not in a narcissistic way but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you.” When we get busy taking care of ourselves we won’t waste time or energy comparing ourselves to others. Instead we can learn to be self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency.

Avoid cynicism at all costs. Cynicism is the pervasive feeling of distrust or that something isn’t going to work out well. Believers with this dismal outlook need to remember Rom. 8:28 AMP: “And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

If you want to get your shine on and become radically radiant, make a practice of seeking to complement others, remembering that we are all a part of one body. Practice self-care, remembering that we’re called to love others as we love ourselves. And lastly, remember that whatever the season or circumstance, God causes all things to work together in such a way that we are blessed, benefitted, and better equipped to bless others.

“Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you” (Isa. 60:1 NKJV). Rise and shine!

This Post Has 31 Comments

  1. Valorie Reel January 24, 2021

    Blessings to you Meredith. This is an on time word, praise God for you and what he has spoken to you to share with many.

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Thanks Valorie. You are an example of a lustrous PW. Shine on!

  2. Charmaine Respass January 24, 2021

    Amen and thank you for the reminder.

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      You’re very welcome, Charmaine. Shine for God’s glory!

  3. Cledra Gross January 24, 2021

    This is so powerful. I really enjoy the concept of becoming “radically radiant”. Great share. I want to shine for Jesus.

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      To God be the glory! In Christ we can shine, glitter, shimmer, sparkle, twinkle, glimmer, and glow! 😎😊

    2. Martha Commodore January 25, 2021

      Thanks we shine , and shine in Christ😇

      1. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

        Amen! Just as the Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, so God is doing the same wonderful work in us! 💎💎💎

  4. Calvonia January 24, 2021

    Well said sis! You shared wisdom in such gentle way. Comparison is toxic for us and those in our sphere of influence. We must keep our eyes on Jesus.

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Amen, sis. Comparison is toxic and has no place in the Kingdom or in Kingdom women. ☠️

  5. Ann Knopp January 24, 2021

    Love this! Thank you so much for letting God use your talents to be an encouragement to others. Love you!

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Thanks Ann, and He uses you to encourage me! 💕

  6. Linita Chung January 24, 2021

    Thanks for sharing this Meredith… words of wisdom. I like the definition of “self-care”… it’s not just pedicures and spa treatments or being narcissistic. Learning to be “self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency”?! Amen!

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Amen, Linita! The One who cares for us teaches us how to care for ourselves. Trusting Him.

  7. LaVonne Ward January 24, 2021

    I so appreciate this my dear sister Meredith! It’s a confirmation and affirmation all at the same time . I just quoted Romans 8:28 yesterday as it resonated in my soul . Also God allowed me recently to talk about the 3 weights we carry as Christians ( comparison , competition & condemnation) . Love how you brought up cynicism! A much needed blog post for Pastor’s wives 🌸❤️🙏🏽 Keep writing ✍🏽 for God’s glory !

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Praise the Lord! I LOVE how God moves and works through our lives. He knows just how to confirm His Word and work. Grateful! Thank you!

  8. Lady Lil January 24, 2021

    Amen I love it. I never focused much on Penniniah in this passage. Always picking up on Hannah. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for the insight. Removing complaining – replacing compliments amen

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 24, 2021

      Yes, Peninnah has something to teach us too. Blessings!

  9. Roxanne Rogiers January 25, 2021

    A Rhema Word from on high… continued blessings to you and your ministries!

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

      Praise the Lord! Thanks sis! Blessings to you and yours as you shine bright for Him in a dark world.

  10. Kimberly Elliott January 25, 2021

    Your words are so full of grace and beauty! It is what God has planted in each of us that must shine through. We all are unique and special.

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

      Thank you Kim! You’re right, we’re all unique and special even as we reflect the beauty and radiance of the Father.

  11. Shellie Jones January 25, 2021

    Amen! Well said💓 comparison clouds the view of one’s self. Thanks for the reminder. So encouraging!

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

      Thanks Shellie! Continuing to reflect on something you shared years ago, “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.”
      Focusing on what the Father is doing in our lives helps us to stop focusing and comparing ourselves to others.

  12. Connie William January 27, 2021

    Praise the Lord, Meredith! Personally, your benevolent explanation both exposed known areas needing to be addressed as well as revealed hidden ones. Thank you for allowing the Lord to quietly encourage my heart with such vital guidance. What a brilliant writer your are!
    Thank you!

    1. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

      Praise the Lord, indeed! So glad this post ministers to you. Praying for you as God polishes and perfects you! 💎

  13. Jennifer Stratford January 28, 2021

    I wrote down, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” I love that quote. It’s a great reminder to examine myself and make sure that I don’t let comparison creep in and/or miss all that is right in front of me. This is a powerful message. Thank you!

  14. Meredith Sheppard January 29, 2021

    Amen. So glad that you’re gleaning from what the Lord uses me to share. Be blessed and a blessing, mighty woman of God!

  15. Patrice Baker January 31, 2021

    When consumed with comparing ourselves to others, we lose sight of our own giftedness and God-given abilities. That part! I fully agree. Knowing that we are masterpieces, created anew reminds me that our uniqueness qualifies us to walk in out purpose! We are designer originals and no need to compare ourselves. Thank you for sharing this. Great reminder of who we are and how to walk in our own shoes & compliment others along the way. Love it Lady M & love you!

  16. D. Baldwin April 24, 2021

    Comparison breeds conflict and that is not of Christ. A lesson I learned too late…But God still has a purpose and a plan. This blog is a blessing!

    1. Meredith Sheppard April 29, 2021

      Beloved, better late than never. Thank God we can and do learn. So glad you’re blessed by this blog. Thanks so much for commenting. You shared a powerful truth!

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