Ghosting: When someone, suddenly and without warning or advance notice, cuts off all communication with a friend (or friends). Typically they avoid all phone calls, text messages, and all social media and public contact.
Sadly this phenomenon has become more and more common, even among believers. I recently read a string of tweets on this very topic, posted by popular Christian leader Beth Moore. Following is part of that message:
I’d like to pitch out a theory that this thing we call “ghosting” may be connected to a prophetic word in Scripture. You know what I mean. The disappearing act of someone in our lives, social circles or faith communities without any explanation or one that doesn’t hold water…
This conversation is about a burgeoning unwillingness among us to work through conflict or to accept changes in relationships… If you haven’t read 2 Tim. 3:1-4 lately, give it a look. It’s a mirror image of our society.
“But know this: Hard times will come in the last days. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, 4 traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
See that word ‘irreconcilable’? Paul is telling Timothy that, as time goes on, people will be less and less willing to work things out. I think this might partly explain some of the ghosting…
Our character will never rightly develop if we don’t, as ongoing practices in our personal and professional life, work through conflict and learn to get to the other side, relationship intact.
We don’t realize the repercussions of this phenomenon. Increasing irreconcilability hits the home, the workplace, the church, the government, you name it. If we adapt to the trend of relational dropouts, we’ll end up with a whole society of emotional adolescents.
I devoured that post because I’d been ghosted by a woman I’ve known and loved for years. One day she was gone. Vanished into thin air. I called, left voice and text messages. Emails went unanswered and she unfollowed me on every social media platform. I went to her home, rang the bell, knocked and then pressed my ear against the door. Finally I slipped a hastily written note under her door and left. Nothing! It hurts that my girlfriend ghosted me—but she can’t ghost God. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Psalm 139: 7-8). The next few verses continue elaborating on the inescapable presence of God.
We may ghost one another but we can’t ghost God. And I believe the pain we feel when someone ghosts us is akin to the pain that grieves God, the One who champions us in our challenges, and provides the power to piece together broken relationships. He binds up, restores, and makes new. Our ghosting is an affront to a holy God who calls us to oneness, to community and to dwell in peace with one another. He will hold us accountable for our actions.
The twitter thread I referenced ends with these words: We’re all flawed and challenging. Relationships are hard but they’re worth fighting for, and part of our character develops in the fight. Some relationships fall to pieces because we won’t go to the trouble or risk the vulnerability to work them out. Enduring requires humility and grace. Let’s stop ghosting and start dealing. It’s part of being godly. It’s part of turning into grown-ups. Never equate growing old with growing up. Some people never grow up. They’re just enormous 2-year-olds. Let’s not be one of them.