“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” Prov. 27:9 “The righteous choose their friends carefully…” Prov. 12:26a NLT
In the movie version of Sense and Sensibility, Lucy Steele is burdened by her secret engagement and desires to confide in someone. Fanny Dashwood coaxes Lucy to tell her, assuring Lucy with these words, “I am the soul of discretion. I can assure you I am as silent as the grave.” Now the viewing audience, aware that Mrs. Dashwood is a snob with a holier-than-thou attitude, all but screams, “Lucy, don’t do it!” The ensuing commotion is one of the highlights of the film. But how often have we confided in the wrong person because we thought they were “safe?”
In the book, Safe People: How To Find Relationships That Are Good For You And Avoid Those That Aren’t, authors Cloud and Townsend define what makes a person safe.
“Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be. Though not perfect, they are “good enough” in their own character that the net effect of their presence in our lives is positive. They are accepting, honest, and present, and they help us bear good fruit in our lives.”
I thought of these examples while reading over an old letter from my friend and fellow pastor’s wife, the late Dr. Lois Evans. After having shared with her in a face-to-face conversation, we revisited the matter via email. Lois wrote, “… Meredith what I felt and was thinking at that time was I am so glad Meredith feels free to share exactly what you said, without mincing words. It confirmed our deep sister friendship, and that you felt comfortable and SAFE as we were talking, so no apology needed. I am glad you got it off your chest. Where do PW’S go to talk and to be real? I am so glad we have each other, and we were able to talk then and now…”
Regarding our need for friendship, pastor’s wife and author Christine Hoover says,
“Pastor’s wife, friendship is possible. And not only is it possible, but it’s necessary. You may navigate social situations that others don’t, but in every believer’s need for life-giving friendships, you are no exception.”
In Scripture, the first time the Lord says something is not good is regarding relationships, “It is not good for the man to be alone… (Gen. 2:18)”
We are created for connection (see Eccl. 4:9-12). Therefore, we must guard against disunity and severing ties with others, especially if we’ve been wounded.
Without a doubt, we’ve experienced disappointment, misunderstanding, hurt, and even betrayal in a relationship. However, those are not reasons to forego friendship. We must be wise, mature, and open as we seek the same in others. Ultimately, let’s look to the Lord who promised to supply our every need, and purposefully pursue partnerships for our good and His glory.